West Elk Cowboy Company

Welcome to The North Forty.  Home of Tales From The North Forty by Otis The Cowdog.  Stop in here to catch up on Otis's latest dose of cowdog wisdom.  A sage among cowdogs.  Otis's column can be found in the West Slope Fence Post from time to time and other publications throughout the west.  You can always find Otis here though.  Just stop by and see what he has to say.  If you would like to start having Otis contribute to your publication, feel free to contact our marketing manager today.  Just remember, age and treachery will triumph over youth and exuberance anyday.  Fer now, this is Otis the Cowdog, sayin', "See y' on the North Forty."

Tales From The North Forty

Otis the Cowdog

Slim Pickens Fer President

            Howdy folks!  Otis here, ready to provide you with the God’s honest truth you so desperately need.  That truth is, what are we going to do at election time?  Never in history have so few, been so useless, and so full of bull cookies, as the two presidential nominees.  Talk about two gophers with their heads in the dirt.  I realize I am only a cowdog, but this has to be said.  We would be better off electing a golden retriever to office.  And we all know how brilliant they are, with the attention span of a potato.  But I digress, lets get to the meat and potatoes so to speak.

            Policy.  Sure McCain and Obama have policies.  They change about as often as the price of gas, but they are there.  Of course, in their defense, I should bring to light that they both have one or two constants in their policies.  The first being, “My policy is that I will support whatever people are clamoring for at the moment, however this policy is subject to change without notice in the event that an oil company coughs up a nice campaign contribution.”  The second constant is simple, “There are no constants.”      

Obama’s campaign can be summed up in 4 words; hope, change, new America.  I swear that is all this guy can say, he’s like a broken Tickle Me Elmo doll.  No matter what the question, this is his rock solid answer to all issues.  “Senator, what did you have for breakfast?”  Reply, “Hope, change, New America.”  “Was it over easy or poached Senator?”  Poached is what we’re gonna be that if the captain of the new America brigade gets into office.

However, let us not, dilly-dally on Obama, McCain deserves some attention too.  Mr.  I have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.  If McCain takes office, we had better like his running mate, cause chances are he’s gonna die of/a  (insert your favorite)­­­­­_________  ; stroke, heart attack, aneurysm, brisket, old age.  Not to mention the possibility of him developing alzheimers, if he hasn’t already.  Wouldn’t that be nice.  Can’t you see the state of the union address; “My fellow Americans.  The state of the union is excellent, I had a cookie with lunch, and it tasted like a popsicle, that’s right a popsicle.  Congress is cooperating and the country is making an excellent recovery from; my God, have you watched Sesame Street lately?  I like Bert and Ernie, can I have a puppy mother, can I please.”  And so on and such.  Not to mention he is about as stable on any one issue as a drunk mule on a unicycle.

My, oh, my.  The choices are slim.  As far as this lowly cowdog can figure, the only real option is to elect neither one.  The people of America and the cowdogs of the west need to unite and decide upon a suitable candidate.  Maybe we should all write in Baxter Black, I am not sure he would want the job, but he could certainly do more with his brand of common sense that either of the two proposed puppets could.  Maybe Jeff Foxworthy, we are a nation founded upon the legacy of rednecks, perhaps we should put one in office.

Keep yer ears open, investigate a little, after all, what do I know, I am just a cowdog.  Remember folks, if it sounds too good to be true, chances are it is.  Keep that in mind with the upcoming election.  Fer the meantime, this is Otis The Cowdog, sayin’, see y’ on the North Forty.